Eleventy!

I'm totally still here, believe it or not. Work has been a total bear and I had Kathy in town visiting, so Weight Watchers (and blogging about my fat ass) wasn't a high priority for me. But I'm back On Plan again today and it feels good to be back in a routine.

Brief (ok, I'm never brief) synopisis of what's been going down in Chubtown.  Since January 30th, which was my first weigh-in day, I'm down 11.4 lbs.  Slower than molasses on humping old people in January. But!  Down is down, so I will take it.  Are my dreams of being Giselle by the Fall dashed against the rocks?  they would be if I thought that was even possible, so no. But, I'm probably not going to be as far along as I'd hoped.  C'est la vie! That's French for "Shit Happens".

The week of 3/5, Kathy was in town, so there was much dining out and cocktailing to be had. I tried to keep my dining out reigned in, except for sushi, when I stuffed my face and had to be rolled out the door.  I saved my Points (which I was only mentally logging) for all the high falutin' booze we were enjoying. (Cocktails at the Chandelier in Cosmopolitan Hotel & Casino, my friends. Don't miss them.) 

However, on the heels of Kathy's departure, the same weekend I took my Prius II in for an oil change, I unexpectedly purchased a different car and I got hit with norovirus (again).  So, I became good friends with the public restrooms the Toyota dealership mid-deal. The last thing I wanted to do was barf in my new Prius C, so I prayed to the Gut Gods on the way home and only had to pull over once. Mazel tov on your purchase!

But, I did lose 5.6 lbs the week of 3/12.  I realize it's not the healthier way to do so and that it was mostly water, so I chose not to weigh myself the following Monday lest I get all depressed at the inevitable (and totally logical) gain. I couldn't seem to get back into logging, though, so I just kept my eye on things in general and was pleased to find that this week, I only gained back 1.8 lbs. So, still a loss, as far as I'm concerned.

I realize I have kind of been farting along with this, not wanting to actually exercise. I've been doing the whole, "I just need to get a handle on my food and then I'll add exercise." Well, it's been 3 months, when exactly do I plan on adding that? 

Looks like I need to bust out my old Leslie Sansone Walk-Away DVDs.  Those were effective for me the first time and convenient.  I'm in the midst of the 4 weeks of Spring we get in Vegas before it turns into the surface of Mars, so I should take advantage of the fresh air and walk around my 'hood.  And once it is kiln hot outside, I can resume the water aerobics at the gym, even if it does smell like heavily-chlorinated old people.

I can't keep ignoring the results that exercise brings to the table. I just loathe it so...

What the Kale?!

Phew!  Ok, so I'm back. Naturally, I finally decide to start posting actual stuff here and an upgrade hiccup made it so I couldn't.  Murphy and all that, I guess.

Anyway, it's been 2 weeks since I had my pity party here over 2 lbs and I'm happy to report that after 3 weeks on Weight Watchers, I'm down 6 lbs.  This week I only lost .2, which normally I'd be upset about, but since the week before I lost almost 4, I decided to just ride it out.  I'm hoping next week will show more generous results.

Tracking gets a little tedious, but I'm sticking with it.  Water consumption is way, way up -- about 3 liters a day, thanks to MiO's new tangerine orange flavor.

I've been cooking a lot -- just about every night .  I have several recipes I'll share, some hits, a couple misses (I'll spare you those), but despite hating the mountain of dishes I always seem to have, I'm enjoying cooking. I'd forgotten how much I liked it.

Source: everydaymaven.com via Joelle on Pinterest

Speaking of cooking, can we talk about kale chips for a minute?  I've yet to make them, despite everyone's ravings, not because I'm not intrigued but because Weight Watchers counts them as FIVE points -- at least according to the recipe in this month's magazine (Weight Watchers Magazine, March/April, page 24).  I think that has got to be some kind of error.

I understand that vegetables arent "free" when you incorporate them into a proper recipe (another thing I don't get), but if all I'm doing is misting some kale with olive oil cooking spray and roasting it in the oven, how exactly is that FIVE points?  How much olive oil mist do you have to consume before it's five points?  I tsp of olive oil is 1 point, which is what the recipe calls for per 3 cups of kale. So basically, they're saying they're saying 3 cups of kale somehow equals 4 tsp of olive oil?  I call bollocks. 

Here's the recipe, as they have it listed:

Weight Watchers Kale Bites

• Tear 3 cup of kale into bite-size pieces, toss with 1 teaspoon of olive oil and a dash of salt and pepper. 
• Spread on a greased baking sheet and bake at 350 for 10 minutes or until crispy.

5 Points*

*Pointsplus Values were calculated by adding the nutrition information for each ingredient using the online recipe builder.

I used the recipe builder myself to see if that was accurate and indeed, it shows up as 5 points. If you remove the kale entirely from the recipe, it's back to 1 point. I personally would just use my olive oil mister, but kale is actually four points on its own?  Lame.

 I realize kale is healthy for you, but I don't really see how five points would motivate someone to go through the trouble of making kale chips when cracking open a bag of beloved baked Cheetos "costs less".  Are they 5 points good?

Whoa, Whoa, Whoa Feelings.

I finished my first week back on Weight Watchers and lost 2.2 lbs. This is a completely reasonable and healthy amount, exactly what I should have lost.  So, on the surface, I'm happy.  But underneath, there's a niggling disapproval.  "All that for only two pounds? But you logged every morsel!"  "It's your first week, you should've lost at least 3 lbs."  "You drank all that water, why didn't you lose more?"  Etcetera, etcetera...

I've also just decided I don't like the word "niggling".  

Anyway, this isn't my first time at the fat ass rodeo, so I'm totally aware of all the usual consolations that people come back with when someone says such things. "But two pounds a week is healthy."  "You shouldn't lose more than that, slow is best."  And assorted other "don't give up!"-type mantras.

And I appreciate those kind words, I do. But I find them frustrating on occasion. I guess I want someone to say, "Hey, man, I know how you feel" instead of blowing sunshine up my ass. This is why I don't talk about my feelings surrounding weight loss too much because instead of focusing on the fact that I said "I FEEL this way", comments focus on the above-mentioned rah-rah stuff. It's not about that. I know that 2 lbs is the right amount. I know that slow is best. I know, I KNOW. I KNOW!!!!

But that doesn't stop me from feeling like it's not.  I don't expect the internet to be my therapist or have the right thing to say -- I know people are kind and only trying to help, but I guess I'm just realizing that accepting emotional support is not my forte.  I get defensive and feel like the support is directed at things I already know (my father always said I was a know-it-all) instead of on the thing I'm really seeking support for.

Selfish, right? Bratty, even? Agreed. I'm not above admitting that.

Perhaps the answer is being more clear with the support I'm seeking. I don't want people to be afraid to talk to me or seek support from me because they think I won't be receptive. That's the last thing I want -- if someone wants me to blow unicorns and rainbows up their ass and spout "YOU GO GIRL!", I'll do that.  Because that's what they want. That's not what I want, I guess. I don't want assholery, I want... "I hear you and I get it", I guess.

I can't expect people to know exactly what to say.  That's not fair of me.  Everyone is in the same boat, doing their best to get by or make it through. It's not all about me -- again, something I already know.  I can't help how I feel. All I can do is try to change my attitude about it.

Sigh. I suck at joining.

Pssst! Over Here!

Yeah, so. We meet again. And again. And then one more time. And hey, look! Again.

Of course, I'm assuming anyone is still reading this. I've seen lots of unfollows on Twitter, which is expected when I never update. Can't blame 'em!   But, I'm not ready to give up this blog.  I'm going to scale back my original plans for it, though.  Initially, I'd seen this site as this awesome resource, similar to how it was when we launched and were so popular in 2003.  But I have precious little time and frankly, I don't feel like jockeying with the many fitness and weight loss magazine type blogs out there these days.  They're all great and they work hard to deliver that good content. I don't really feel like blogging stuff you can read on 3 other blogs or in this month's Self. They've got it covered and they're doing a fine job at it.

Plus, I don't know... I think initially, I'd felt like I needed to be some kind of motivator or something because when I first started this site I'd recently lost 100 lbs on Weight Watchers (of which I've gained back a little over half).  So many people told me I had been such an inspiration to them and I didn't want to let them down, so I got all wrapped up in being a resource, providing "content" that I started to do the exact opposite, froze up and pressured myself into being an ostrich when it came to posting here -- and when it came to losing weight in general. I seriously had to get over myself.

2011 was a year of faux commitment in terms of dieting. I wanted to care, but I just didn't.  Last January, I started Weight Watchers again in earnest -- and I lost about 22 lbs. Then I started to stray... it must be Weight Watchers, right? It wasn't working anymore!  I felt restricted!  I needed freedom!  So I quit Weight Watcher and started tracking with Lose It!, which is basically just straight-up calorie counting.

But that wasn't sticking either. What it boils down to is that I just haven't been all-in.  I haven't wanted to track my points.  I haven't wanted to report that extra slice of pizza.  I didn't want to have to log anything or tell anyone or ask permission or tweet it or track it.  I was being plain stubborn.

And it shows on my ass.

Something has to give because I feel like hell.  It's not as much about "looking hot" anymore (though that's always a bonus), I want to feel hot.  I'm going to be 40 in twenty-two months -- just under two years. I do not want to feel like this at 40.  I look at myself sometimes and have no idea who that person is.  And as arrogant as this might seem, I look at myself as if I were someone else and think, "Dude, you're way too fabulous for this rubbish."

And you know? I totally am. I'm not getting any younger, do I really want to waste more of my youth being a frump? I'd like to wear a pair of jeans from the Gap again before I'm pushing daisies, thanks.

I rejoined Weight Watchers today.  I started a new account, thinking that maybe not having my previous graphs and expectations waving me in the face might be good. (More smoke and mirrors!) I don't want to be reminded of how I screwed it all up, I just want to move forward. 

I like Lose It still and am hoping to track in there, as well, mostly because I'm curious how the points vs. calories add up.  I just think the structure of Weight Watchers is what I need now, despite my resistance to it.  Plus, I know a few other folks who have inspired me recently with their Weight Watchers successes, so I'm willing to give it another go. It does work, it worked before -- I just gave up before I was finished, if I'm being honest.

So, anyway, I hope to blog more here.  I am cooking more and want to share the recipes that I try. I won't be able to post more than one or two a week because there are only two of us and most recipes have leftovers, but it gives me something to blog about.

In the meantime, I'm going to just let this blog become what it wants to be.  That goes double for me.

We Meet Again, Again.

A few months since my last post and fortunately, only 4 lbs more than I was when I made it. I just got back from a mexican-food laden vacation in my hometown of San Diego, so... well, beans happen.

I kind of got stuck after 21 lbs. I got all the way down to 25lbs lost, but quickly gained those 4 lbs back due to... well, food. And Bravo's summer programming.

So, here I am, starting anew.  I've decided to scrap Weight Watchers for now. I think it's a fantastic program, but I was tired of paying for it, never went to meetings, and even with the new PointsPlus system, I felt frustrated. I felt guilty ALL the time because what I ate, even when it was a healthy choice, didn't always meet with their "approval". And after almost a decade, I'm tired of "watching" my weight. I want to lose it, not watch it. While I realize that losing weight, especially a large amount, is a lifestyle change -- I don't want to be a Weight Watcher for the rest of my life. I want to lose the weight and then maintain a healthy lifestyle. WW was starting to feel like a life sentence with how many times I stopped and started.

Again, no fault to the program, it works if you work it, but I was just tired of working it.

Enter Lose It!, which is similar to WW in that you log your food and your exercise, but there's a more cohesive social component that I like better. It feels a bit more modern than Weight Watchers in that aspect.  You can share your exercise and accomplishments to Twitter/Facebook, they have a mobile app and the best part -- it's FREE.

 It tallies my fat and my calories and all that jazz, as well as tells me how much of a deficit I have every day and I am totally nerding out over all the charts n' graphs n' reports. You earn badges, much like other social media these days, which is a minor, but fun incentive. It also allows me to tally in my Fit Bit automatically. I also like that working out for 30 minutes gives you real numbers. I was always depressed when I'd do what I thought was a good workout and get 2 lousy points.  Now I can see that an hour of water aerobics burns 400 calories. That makes me feel like it's *something* and not just a Tic-Tac's worth of effort.

We'll see how it goes, but a bunch of us have already started on it. Everyone is seeing results and everyone has plenty of calories left over at the end of the day they are free to eat.  Everyone, so far, has said that they feel less restricted, that overall, it's easier. I joined a few weeks ago, but wanted to wait until post-vacation to begin in earnest.  

I like that it tells me, at 2 lbs a week, by this time next year, I'll be at my goal.  It's in my face every time I log in -- by X time, you'll be X weight.  It's a constant motivator, a reminder when I feel frustrated, that there's an end point, there's a goal. With Weight Watchers (while its still a great program), I felt like i would be dieting forever.  

I still kind of follow WW in my head -- I'm long-trained on Points, but I can see where I may feel more freedom. And those philosophies and portion control ideas I learned on WW are invaluable. But now, I'm a big girl (no pun intended) and I know what I need to do. Hopefully, Lose It!, along with my support system of participating friends, will be the ticket to keep me on track.

Are you on Lose It?  Still doing Weight Watchers? What's your tool to stay on track?

The Unintentional Diet

Well, here I am... almost 6 months into 2011 and I'm down 21.2 pounds.  I'd hoped to be further along, but I got stuck around 17 lbs for a couple months and apparently, it just took a rather nasty stomach flu/food poisoning/prayer for a swift death to push me over the plateau.

I'm not recommending this method. I wouldn't recommend this to my worst enemy.  Well... maybe them, as long as they were going to live.

But, there it is -- even after rehydrating and gaining a couple pounds back when I was finally able to eat, I'm still down roughly 4 lbs since before I got sick this past Saturday. I know this is not a healthy way to lose weight and again, let me reiterate, I'm not recommending it, but I won't say I'm not happy to be off that dime I was stuck on for so long.

Strangely, I feel better than before I got sick. That's likely a product of a renewed psychological outlook based on the weight loss, but also I feel trimmer, more vibrant, as though in getting sick I had exorcised some kind of parasite that was weighing me down -- both literally and figuratively.

But likely, it was just some employee who didn't wash his hands before making my chicken tacos.

21 pounds down. Let's keep this going.

Keep on Truckin’

So, I've been quiet for a while... mostly because I've had nothing to say about my weight loss. I've hit a plateau and am still stuck at 17 lbs lost. I gained one, I lost one, I gained 2, I lost 3, I gained one... it's just hovering. 

Of course, I know why this is -- I've not been diligently following Weight Watchers. Not that I've gone nuts, mind you, but I've been lax in my counting of points, doing a lot of eyeballing.  Still making mostly healthy choices, but admittedly, not trying that hard.  I have started going to the gym more often which I'm sure is probably what's keeping me from going backwards, but I really need to focus. 

The gym-attendance has been about 3 time a week on average, but I need to increase that. I go three days and then I take a rest day and it all goes to hell in a handbasket. I just can't seem to bring myself to go back after a rest day. I think maybe not taking one is better -- it's not like I'm training for Mr. Olympia, I'm doing 30 minutes of cardio. Doing that every day is perfectly fine and I don't think my body really needs a rest day. Maybe when I get further along and start working out harder, but for now, rest days seem to be my downfall.

I'm going back to San Diego in five weeks for a 4-day trip to see my friends and get my annual physical done with my doctor. I lose my California insurance on June 1st and with it, my doctor, so I want to see her before I go. She's a wonderful doctor and has always been really supportive of me and my weight loss.  To the point that I worry I disappoint her when I go in to see her and haven't lost (or worse, gained) weight.  I'll have to find another doctor for my duration here in Las Vegas, but I'll definitely return to her once I move back to California.

In the meantime, I'm squeezing out everything I can from my insurance, which means I'm also going in for a mammogram, which I skipped last year, but need to start doing annually now that I'm almost 38 and my mom had breast cancer.  I want to make sure to stay on top of it.

I also want to be down about 10-15 pounds more before I go. I think that's a totally doable amount, but I have to actually do it and stop dicking around.  I want my doctor to see that I've been making changes, that it's really happening.  It's sloooooooowwww, but it's happening.  Right now, I'm still a weight she's seen me at before, so my goal is to reach a weight she's never had in her charts so that she can feel confident that I'm on the right track.  Hell, I want me to feel confident that I'm on the right track.  This is important to me and I need to prioritize.

I have friends coming in from out of town this weekend and there will definitely be adult libations, but I'll try to keep the dining out indulgences to a minimum. Starting Monday it's back to it so I can meet my short-term goal of 10-15 lbs by May 21st..  Maybe saying it here will make me not want to embarrass myself by slacking off.

Sometimes, I get upset with myself for not doing well enough, not trying hard enough, but beating myself up isn't going to make it any easier.  I've not gained any weight, I've made changes to my lifestyle and now I just need to crank that up a knotch. All I can do when I fall is dust myself off and keep going, like I've done my whole life.

Of Plateaus and Progress

It's been a while since I provided a proper update on how things are going with this edition of Let's Lose Weight.  One might think it's because things have sucked, but actually, I've been plugging along pretty well. I did finally hit my gain/plateau week, but I had houseguests for a week and PMS, so I considering the amount of vodka I ingested, my 1.4+ gain wasn't too bad. I promptly lost it and more bringing my current total to 17.8 lbs lost since January 3rd.

Could it be going faster? Most certainly. But I refuse to berate myself for not losing weight fast enough. I'm losing weight, period, and that's something. It's more than was happening before.

I also know why I'm not losing weight faster -- I could apply myself more by drinking more water and oh... I don't know... exercising.  But who wants to exercise?  Ok, I do. Or rather, I want to want to exercise, but as we can all attest to, it's one of those "fake it until you make it" scenarios. You just have to go through the motions until you get into a routine.

When I used to work out a lot and especially when I had a trainer, I did crave a workout. Oh, I'd bitch and complain and consider cancelling my sessions, but it helps when you're paying someone and cancelling means forfeiting that cash. But I also physically wanted that exercise high and sense of accomplishment. I've thought about getting a trainer again, and I probably will, but first I need to get into a little better shape.  Like, not-passing-out-on-the-elliptical-in-front-of-girls-in-leggings shape.

I think what helped me not gain much while my houseguests were here was all the running around we did.  Granted, there was a martini at the end of every sprint, but at least I got my walk on.  This past Saturday, I went to a concert and spent about 3.5-4 hours just standing around, but only doing a bit of walking. The next day, my ass and hamstrings were so incredibly sore, I couldn't figure out why.  Turns out holding up my ample ass for 3 hours burns calories even if I'm not breaking a sweat.

I've been saying I want to start exercising and I've done some things -- playing more Wii games, walking, just doing regularly active things, but the bottom line is that I spend the majority of my day sitting. So, if I want to meet my mini goals I've set for myself, I do need to make more of an effort to break a sweat and like, lift something heavier than a cocktail glass.

Image courtesy of Google images. Not sure of the original source.

Unsolicited, and Thereby Asshole, Things People Have Said Regarding My Weight

Last week, I was lying the tub, crafting this post in my head.  I vowed to write it the next day, then of course got distracted and forgot. But a tweet I read today reminded me.

I've had a relatively decent life. I've never been terribly oppressed or faced tumultuous living conditions. I was never beaten or living in a cardboard box.  I've never been addicted to hard drugs or found my solace in the bottom of a bottle. (Ok, sometimes. I LIKE RED WINE, OK?!)  I've had a few instances of snide comments or looks, having dated women and people of other ethnicities, but overall, not much.  While I won't say my life was 100% peachy keen, I sported a superficially garden-variety, upper middle class, white suburban upbringing. I also have breasts and am not unattractive, so it's not like it's been a hardknocked life.

Before you start deciding I'm an egomaniac (which isn't it sad that I feel the need to justify a simple, modest statement about my aesthetics?), I've never been what folks would call fugly. As a child I was chubby and had a big gap in my teeth, but when I got my braces off, grew 5 inches and entered high school, the boys were like, always in my yard, much to the chagrin of my father. Plus, my parents weren't too shabby and they made me and so, according to the rules of genetics and the standards of modern society, I don't have a face like a foot.  My point is, things have been cushy compared to a lot of people in this world, so I'm not here to pretend like I know what it's like to be on the receiving end of open hatred or discrimination. (Though, I think it's all relative.)

I say this, not to marginalize my hardships (because there have been some) or to downplay the scars on my psyche (there are some of those, too), but to nip in the bud the inevitable asshole who will say "Boo hoo, poor you." or whatever.  You know, whatever it is they want to say to make themselves feel better about being an asshole.

So, without further ado, I bring you: "Some Unsolicited, and Thereby Asshole, Things People Have Said Regarding My Weight"

Let Me Hear Your Body Talk

I've been remiss in posting here -- time got away from me with a busy schedule the last couple weeks. But, things are still moving ahead. I'm very happy that I've not yet gained or even stalled in my weight loss since January 3rd. It's been an average of 2.2 lbs a week, my least lost being .2 lbs a few weeks ago. Otherwise, it's slow, but moving consistently in the right direction.  So thus far, I've lost 13.2 lbs. Only a small child to go!

I did start incorporating more exercise, though I still have a hard time thinking of exercise as being valid outside the gym or like, running or something. I realize that's ridiculous -- any movement is good. But that diet mentality just tells you, "You're not doing it right. You're not trying hard enough. You're not really working out unless you're in a gym making an ass of yourself."  But I loathe the gym right now, so I've been getting exercise by playing Just Dance 2 and Gold's Gym Dance Workout on Wii and with an overall reduction of laziness.  Forget my phone upstairs? Get off my ass and go get it -- right now. Not later when I happen to be going upstairs anyway.  Now. Forget something else? Go again.  That sort of thing.

Now that I've lived here for a few months, I'm feeling more comfortable in the neighborhood and am ready to start walking.  So that will be good -- I really need to get outside. And I'll want to take advantage of walking outside as long as I can before it turns into the surface of the sun here in Las Vegas. After that, I'll be forced to retreat to the gym for the treadmill or  to living room so Leslie Sansone and Jesus can help me walk away the pounds. (Her DVDs are effective, though. I lost most of my weight the first time on WW using her DVDs and never set foot in a gym until I'd lost 60 lbs. I just don't want to discuss Jesus while I'm sweating to a bad soundtrack.)

I'm not entirely wild about the discussion my body has been having with me lately.  It's giving me a lot of lip.  Stand up from the couch and my back creaks like I've been working the line for 35 years.  Get up off the floor and my knees snap, crackle and pop.  I'm only 37, so I realize that losing more weight and getting more active will reduce all that. There's no reason for me to be crunching like a geriatric just yet.  But I'm definitely not the 29 year old I was when I did this the first time. To that end, I'm trying to be easier on myself emotionally -- not beat myself up when I find something more difficult than I used to. But I'm also using it as a tool to push myself harder.  I am only 37!  I'm still a young woman. I'm no kid, but it's hardly time for Murder She Wrote and 4pm dinners.  I am stronger than I think.

I hope to lose a few pounds this week. I think it'll be a long shot -- and as long as I keep losing, I refuse to complain about it. I do have a goal date in my head to have a certain amount lost (my 20 year reunion is in August), but if it goes slower than that, it does. If I put too much pressure on myself, I'll take the "what's the use?" route and derail all the progress thus far.  But I would like to lose 2+ this week.  We'll see!

Edible Play-by-Play (or “The One Where I Tell You Everything I Eat”)

I totally forgot to post my update earlier this week.  I should be posting even more, you know, like a real blog, but part of "taking back this process" is not feeling like I have to do anything other than focus on my progress. :)  I do have some tips I'll post in in a second, though. First, my progress!

Last week was the sad trombone of losses.  It was only -.2 lbs.  BOO!  But, a loss is still a loss and I wasn't going to let it deter me.  I'm doing this, dammit. I've lost every week since January 3rd, an average of two-ish pounds a week, which is the "healthy ideal", according to Weight Watchers.  I don't love when they scold me for losing consistently -- they've gotten gentler about it, more like concern. Before it used to be a big sad face and "you're losing too fast!"  Please. For a fat chick, there's no such thing as losing too fast. 

I do understand their point -- you don't want to be flabby or lose your hair or you know, stop your heart. But I don't think 3 or 4 lbs a week is going to kill me when we see people on TV every week losing incredible amounts.  Not that I watch The Biggest Loser anymore -- I ditched that show. It just seems ridiculous now. But I do watch Heavy on A&E and I find that quite inspirational. I figure if those people can do it, I certainly can.

This week, I feel like the loss will be back on track, perhaps even more than usual. My preliminary weigh-ins (just to check-in and make sure I'm not going the opposite direction) have been encouraging, so we'll see. I just need to stay the course.

OK, now, for my tips!

I've been eating a metric ton of turkey sandwiches. Mostly because I've been super busy and I don't have time to do a lot of cooking right now. I eat a lot of the same things for now -- which some might call a rut, but I call discipline. Too many groceries (and money) to make a big variety of stuff for just one or two people. On the weekends I change it up a little, but below is usually the regime.

I cook every morning, usually. (I got back to eating breakfast, as last week's slow loss may have been related to the fact that I was skipping breakfast a lot.) Breakfast is usually coffee with sugar-free creamer, Nature's Own Whole Grain Rounds (2 Points) with 2 tablespoons of reduced-fat cheddar cheese or one wedge of Laughing Cow (either is 1 Point), 2 slices of Jimmy Dean Hickory Smoked Pre-cooked Ready-Bacon (3 slices = 2 Points, so 2 slices, being 2/3 of a serving, is 1 Point) and either 1/2 cup of egg whites (1 Point) or 1 large egg (2 Points). A dash or two of Tabasco and it's really a yummy breakfast sandwich for 5-6 Points (depending on which kind of egg you go with). I usually pair it with a fat-free yogurt. Then follow up in an hour or so with a piece of fruit.

I used to be a big Yoplait eater -- and I still am -- but they're 3 Points a pop and not always on sale, so I've found another that I like that has a lot of great unique flavors, too. Carbmasters from Kroger brand (sold at Ralph's on the west coast, but also Smith's and Kroger and probably Food for Less) is 2 Points and has yummy flavors like French Apple, Carrot Cake and Vanilla Chai. I also really like their regular Vanilla -- it tastes like frosting.

And then lunch and/or dinner has often been take-out.  But like, really picky take-out. I stick with sandwich shops like Subway or a place around the corner from my house. Turkey sandwiches, dry, loaded with veggies. Or if I must do another option, usually a small cup of Wendy's chili and  a side salad (and sometimes a Jr. Frosty because I'm a human being) or a chicken fajita pita from Jack in the Box and a side salad. Or, if it's a stabby day and I have the Points for it, a small curly fry.  (I know, fries! I'm surprised I've not been struck down by lightning.)

My snacks are usually fruit (apples and bananas, mostly), a serving of whole grain mini pretzels and a wedge of Laughing Cow, or microwave air-popped popcorn.  Dessert is usually a Kozy Shack tapioca and a cup of flavored coffee or a Skinny Cow of some variety. 

I look forward to Spring and Summer when I'll start craving less comfort foods and more grilled foods and salads.  I tried to make my usual Big Salad, but I just wasn't into it. It was too cold!

Any recommendations or tips on things you've found that have become part of your routine?

Digging In

So, this is where it starts to get a little more difficult. I'm in the middle of Week 4, as many of us who started our plans at the New Year are, and the honeymoon phase is starting to wear off.

I've been really busy with work lately, pulling long hours.  There has been a time or two in the last 5 days that I've wanted to throw in the towel -- for no other reason than I didn't want to think about it anymore. I didn't want to count every Point, I didn't want to write anything down, I didn't want to be the inconvenient one who can only dine out at 2 places.  I didn't want to make a "healthy choice" -- I was tired and I just didn't want have to care.  But every time I thought about giving in, I just reminded myself what I've accomplished thus far and weighed whether or not I wanted to lose that weight all over again. Decidedly, no. So I'd just endure the discomfort I felt until it passed..

It's just a new discipline, which is uncomfortable at first. Any new discipline starts out uncomfortably: waking up at an earlier time, going back to school after a long time, a new job, it's all generally awkward at first until you find your footing. And you'll have moments of doubt, but they pass. They pass.

My go-to for the times when I must snack and no amount of downward dog is going to help, is plain, no-oil, no-nothin' popcorn made using a microwave popcorn bowl(I got mine at Target -- I seriously am in love with mine.)  I sprinkle it with a little Kernel Seasons when it comes out of the bowl and still has a little steam on it, so the seasoning sticks. A few handfuls later, the urge passes and I generally don't even finish it.

Hey, I'm not proud that I have moments  where I stress eat -- but a lot of people do -- skinny or fat. Emotional eating is embarrassing, but I'm not going to beat myself up about it.  That just feeds into it (no pun intended). It just is what it is. I'm not standing over the sink eating sticks of butter, for god's sake!  But some people reach for booze, some reach for chocolate. I reach for both! So I'm choosing to manage my stress differently as best as I can and in those weak moments, popcorn saves the day. And a glass a red wine -- let's not be inhumane.

The plan is still working for me. I lost another 2.4 pounds like week for a total of almost 10 since January 3rd. I'm happy about that. I'd love to drop half a Volkswagen in an hour and a half like the people on TV, but that's just... well, that's just not going to happen. (An aside, is anyone else Jillianed out? I like her, but I'm soaking in it! Have mercy.)

I knew this time would come, though I thought it would be a week or two ago. But I'm sticking with it -- I remind myself that by this time next year, I'll be in great shape and all this will be, for the most part, behind me.

A Picture’s Worth a Thousand Blerghs

Over the holidays, a friend of mine took a photo of me and another of our friends, saying we looked like an Old Navy Holiday ad in our bright colors and holiday scarves. (We did.) The only thing, aside from how cute my cohort looked, was that I was enormous, especially in a screaming (though flattering) hot pink sweater. It was a supremely terribly angle, even for a twig, but with me sitting the way I was, in that fuchsia get-up, I looked like I needed to be juiced.

It had been sent into the internet, tweeted along with the rest of our shenanigans, but there was nothing I could do and whining about it just made me feel self-involved and embarrassed -- I didn't want anyone to know how awful I really felt.  The friend, who looks at me only with love, didn't realize his faux pas and offered to remove it, but you know how it goes -- once it's out there, man... it's out there.  So, despite being completely mortified and wanting an epic chasm to appear and swallow my ample magenta ass, I merely poured myself another egg nog martini and tried to forget my humiliation so I could spend time with my friends.  You know, because fat people are jolly and it was the holidays.

As much as I hated that moment, I'm glad it happened. It reminded me of a time back in late 2002 when I saw a photo of myself, again with a couple of friends. I didn't recognize the girl in the picture.  I took up half the photo and there were three of us in it!  That photo is what made me lose 97lbs on Weight Watchers in 2003.  Unfortunately, I suppressed the memory of that photo over the next 7 years while a lot of the weight crept back on.

This holiday photo was just the fish to the face that I needed in order to snap myself back into reality.  It's what made me stop my kvetching about the new Weight Watchers Points Plus plan and just embrace it.  It lit not just a fire under my tuchus, but a blazing, raging inferno.

I've been really committed to PointsPlus since January 3rd.  Thus far, in two weeks, I've lost 5.6 lbs. and that's without any real exercise effort (that didn't really pan out last week, but I keep trying!) and admittedly, without as much water intake as I really need, especially here in the desert.  So, I try diligently to increase my water and I make efforts to move as often as I can (parking far, taking stairs, doing more chores, not going from my desk straight to the couch, playing more Wii Fit, etc.).  I tried my hand at the gym, but was wheezed right off the elliptical after 20 minutes. I should have gone back, but I was embarrassed.  It took 50lbs to come off before I hit the gym the first time, so I may just stick to the neighborhood -- walking, biking, more Wii games, DVDs, etc. I realize I do need to incorporate exercise -- but like most of us -- I "forget" or get so engrossed in my work that I don't make time for it.  That's got to change.

But all in all, I'm really happy with Points Plus so far. I notice myself making Points Plus-friendly choices when faced with snack attacks (apples over pretzels, bananas over higher carb "diet" snacks).  I'm still eating cheese and I still enjoy my share of bread, but I look for the lowest carb option possible within my comfort zone.  It seems to be working so far -- I'm always under Points (usually 5-10 points under, but sometimes just 1 or 2) and I never dip into my Points Allowance. I know they say you should use that freely, but if I did, I would certainly gain. Plus, I can't eat that much!

I'm sticking with it -- going into my 3rd week.  How's it going for you?

Surrender, Dorothy

It's been a week since I restarted the Weight Watchers program with new PointsPlus.  I admit, as I said before, I was pretty resistant to this change.  Like I'm sure many are, I was so conditioned to keep everything as low in Points as possible, that having everything be sometimes double the amount of Points was scary.  I was afraid it wouldn't work. I was afraid I would fail again. I was afraid I'd be starving (despite the promises that I could eat so much more).  I was just afraid.  I realized if I was going to do this (and 2011 is the year of keeping my promises to myself), I had to let go. I had to surrender to the Plan -- and not to my fears.

I didn't post this week because I wanted to keep the focus on the tasks at hand and not worry about "delivering content".  But there were several times during the week I thought, "I should blog this." So here you go.

Release your grip, Controlla.

We get a lot of take-out in this house. My boyfriend is a junkivore and eats mostly burgers and pizza and cheesesteaks and Pepsi.  And it's ok because he's in great shape and works out. We're a two-person household and sometimes take-out is just easier. We work opposite shifts (me by day, he by night) and cooking shared meals can be a pain and leftovers get old fast.  Or food goes bad, despite my good intentions. Certainly some of you can relate.  So, about 3-ish times a week (it used to be more), we'll replace a meal with take-out.  It's been a challenge this week because I only choose places I can get healthy options.  And the poor boyfriend gets an earful when the restaurant messes up my very particular order.

For example, this week, I got a turkey sammich from Subway. I asked for parm-rosemary bread, which I guess they no longer have. (I know wheat is better, but I could afford the Points and I was sick of wheat bread.)  Instead, the boyfriend got Italian Herb and Cheese instead of defaulting to wheat.  My mistake, I didn't tell him, but it sent me into a little panic. CHEESE, omg!  That was flub #1.  Then, I asked for one skinny squirt of light mayo. Instead, my otherwise veggie-loaded, healthy sammich was drowning in mayo -- and I'm not even sure if it was light.  Flub #2 and... well, I lost my shit.

Seriously, I got very upset. It's ridiculous, but when you're trying to meticulously control what goes in your mouth and you're counting every last Point, that kind of thing throws a wrench in your flow.  But after bitching a little, I took a deep breath and realized, "This is not about the sandwich.  I can fix the sandwich.  This is about control."

When I had that little epiphany, I got up and scraped out the offending mayo-coated lettuce, picked off as much cheese from the top of my bread as I could and just ate the damn thing.  I ate it, enjoyed it and threw in a couple extra points to my log, just in case.  (I rarely dip into my Points Allowance and figure its there just for moments like this.)  There's no need to feel like "I blew it" -- I'm not a failure, the Sandwich Artist made a mistake. 

It wasn't about the mayo. It was about control. I couldn't raise the white flag over a stupid sandwich.

Swamp Thing

That title sounds a lot more ominous than I intended, but I'm too enamored by the falling snow outside to think of anything snappier.  I'm also sort of streaming consciousness over my first cup of coffee, so forgive me if this gets a bit unweildy.

It's my first official day back on the proverbial wagon.  And naturally, I forgot to weigh-in this morning, so I'll have to do that tomorrow and backlog it on Weight Watchers. I also forgot to work out this morning, so uh... I'll need to either double up tomorrow or tackle it later in the day.  I'm off to an awesome start (not), but where previously I might have just thrown in the towel with a big "EFF IT!" and claimed I'd "start again tomorrow" because I've already "messed up" -- I'm not doing that.

I'm still smiling. I'm not going to be hard on myself about this. I'm just going to keep smiling, file it under "oops, oh well!" and keep moving forward.  If I boil it down, I find that most of my time is spent berating myself for reasonable human mistakes, as though berating myself is going to make it better, or be productive in any fashion.  Really, if i'm being honest, beating myself up about what I put in my mouth or whether or not I remembered to do an exercise DVD is really just a way to make myself feel better, to console myself. It's the old "Well, I tried, I failed, but at least I have the good sense to feel bad about it." and that, in turn, is an excuse to give up and "start again tomorrow".  But most of the time, tomorrow yields the same result.

No more. I'm not sure who decided that I deserved to treat myself this way -- but I've spent 37 years doing it and I really am not sure why. I'm an awesome person!  I'm funny, smart, charming (if I do say so myself), kind, generous in both material and spirit. I'm talented, I'm strong like whoa, and while I have faults (some doozies!) -- so does everyone else. I am the only one in my own way -- and that's not a beratement, it's simply a fact. I would never allow someone else to treat me the way I treat myself -- so that bollocks has got to stop.