Can’t Go Around It, Gotta Go Through It
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I could give you a big song and dance about how busy I've been or how I haven't totally surrendered to the new Points Plus plan (both true), but the bottom line is -- I just haven't felt like dieting. I know that's like, the taboo thing to say when you're trying to lose weight -- GASP! -- you don't feel like it? But, fat people don't have the luxury of not feeling like it! Fat people are supposed to be on a perpetual diet and if they're not on a diet, they need to be talking about being on a diet.
Frankly, I was over it.
I was totally sick of false promises to myself and most of all, feeling obligated to make posts on this site about how I'm trying or I'm going to get back on the wagon or whatever the usual excuses are that we dieters give ourselves every day. I was so done. You don't want to hear that drivel and frankly, neither do I. It's not inspiring, it's just bullshit.
I didn't gain any weight over the holidays -- just hovered in the same spot. Luckily. Making healthy choices has been ingrained in me, so it's hard to just stop that -- and I didn't want to. I just didn't want to make my whole existence about what I ate or about my fat. For once. So I ate what I wanted, I drank what I wanted. and basically, I just stopped thinking about it. I enjoyed some of that, some of it made me feel bad -- like eating bad things does. And that was fun for a while, but now... well, I'm over that, too.
I so didn't want to be one of Those People who start the New Year with all these resolutions about losing weight. Every year, I'm one of them -- I re-join Weight Watchers or I start some new vitamin or I recommit to the gym, then stop going after a few weeks. I wanted to start in December just so I wouldn't be one of The People. It's so trite, it's so cliche, etc. Blah, blah...
Then I got over it.
Who cares when I go? I'm going and that's the important thing. And while this season I've heard more than a few people complaining about other people's resolution "spam", I don't see anything wrong with it. According to the Internet, those of us who make decisions at the New Year should have the fortitude to make life altering choices any time, not just at the New Year. I felt shamed for like, a second, and then I decided -- you know what? Screw them! If a fresh new year is what it takes to get me in the gym, to recommit, to feel inspired and empowered, then that's what it takes. And it's no one's business but my own. If I choose to share my experience here, that's my choice, but I'm not going to let strangers, especially on the internet, dictate my success.
So, we start again. We try again. And we hope that this time, it'll be successful. I've done this before -- I've had success before, I can do it again. I just need to really be in it -- and frankly, I just haven't been. I've been exhausted by the whole thing. I was tired of feeling bad about myself, tired of feeling like a failure, tired of feeling like I was letting people down, especially readers of this site. So I just stopped. I stopped blogging about it, I reduced how much I talk about it (because I was sick of hearing myself say the same things). I was excited about Points Plus, but then I didn't really dive into it the way I'd hoped. I was just sick of it.
And now that I've thrown my little pig-headed (no pun intended) temper tantrum, I'm ready to move on.
We're moving into a new decade and I don't want to spend one more year of my life worrying about what I eat every minute, feeling like fraud or frowning at my gut in the mirror. I'm three years away from forty years old. I want to be the very best 40 I can be. And if I want that kind of life, I have to commit to the changes it takes to get there. As I read from a friend recently who made hard and admirable decision -- "can't go around it, gotta go through it". And that's the truth. I may be sick of dieting, I may be sick of watching every single thing that goes in my mouth, I may hate the gym with the burning fire of a thousand suns... but I can't go around it, I have to go through it. On the other side of all those things is freedom.
I can see it. Can you?
They Said Stuff!
FREEDOM! I can totally see it and the plan for 2011 is to kick some major ass and fail at a few things too…because without failure you can not have success.
I was the same way this past month, I didn’t feel like worrying about my diet anymore, so I didn’t. It was nice to a degree, but I definitely overindulged. I’m ready to get back on a plan because I do better with that structure of having to think about every single thing I put in my mouth, even if that’s really annoying.
I’m with Mel, I’m ready to kick some ass in 2011! Knowing there are a bunch of others going through the same thing is great motivation. I hope we can all kick some ass together through The Donut and help keep each other motivated to stay on course (to Freedom! Woo!) despite any bumps in the road.
There are times when you have a lot of weight to lose that you just don’t want to diet. I get that. I’ve been there a few times. The most important thing is to never give in to the giving up. As long as that little reminder is there in the back of your mind that you aren’t done and you do need to pick things back up and finish them when it is time then the breaks don’t become so permanent.
I have no resolutions. I will work on each day as they come and do everything I can to make that one day a successful one. I know what needs to be done and how to do it. I know I have to eat less and move more. Everything else is just math.
i love this! i’ve been reading you for a while, and what i admire most about you is that you’re open with the struggles that each and every one of us goes through! it makes me feel better to know that there’s someone out there who, like me, will get sick of dieting. i hate getting preached to about COMMITMENT! and STAYING ON TRACK! you know what? there’s just times in my life where i’m gonna OD on cupcakes. because i’m HUMAN. or maybe, just maybe, i won’t track what i eat for a period of months. but that’s okay, because dude, weight watchers, jenny craig, low carb, high carb, whatever diet plan someone’s on, it’s still gonna be there. and so will my treadmill or the sidewalk outside. i think sometimes i get seriously hard on myself, and that’s just depressing. like you said, there’s no certain time to make or not make a resolution. we try, we fall, we get back up again.
I ran my first half-marathon on November so half of 2010 was spent in utter preparation for it. I trained, I lost, I made it through the marathon at a pace that surprised even me. And then I stopped. I spent last week eating whatever the hell I wanted whenver the hell I wanted. And I gained 6 pounds. In a week.
Sometimes you gotta go down before bouncing higher. I guess I needed a reminder that I am have the body with a rapid actions-to-consequences cycle. It’s something I have to watch and be aware of and it’s cool to know I’m not alone.
This was exactly what I needed to read. If losing weight was easy we’d all be super models. I find that I can’t force myself to be on the wagon all of the time. Good for you for going back to the gym, and getting back on track. Who cares on where you find the motivation to do it as long as you do it. With that being said, it’s time for me to get back on track too.
Yay! Thanks, everyone. Your comments are exactly what I needed to read this morning, too. :) It’s nice to know I’m not alone—I often feel like many fitness sites write about how we should do this or that or tips that make me feel like I’m not doing enough or pushing some sponsor agenda or living with a level of excellence that just makes me feel like I’ll never get there and I can’t keep up. All I can do is be myself—lumps n’ all—and keep trying. :)
we should do this or that or tips that make me feel like I’m not doing enough or pushing some
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