Fat People Are, Well, Fat.
The internet is all abuzz with the "size-ist", "horrific", "appalling", "shocking", "disgusting" article on Marie Claire from writer Maura Kelly. I saw all these tweets about how she was basically the devil incarnate and oh my god, how dare she call fat people (GASP!) fat?! So, naturally, I had to go find out what everyone was up in arms about.
For those of you who may not have seen the article, it's here. She was discussing the gross-out factor of some show on CBS called "Mike & Molly", the (apparently) unfunny sitcom about two fat people who meet at Overeaters Anonymous and fall in love. To me, it sounds unfunny on premise, not because they're fat.
So, I read her article and my first instinct was to hop on the bandwagon and vilify her like all the other fat girls and friends of fat girls had done. Yes, her comments were pretty size-ist and insensitive. But, was I offended? Eh... not really. There is truth in her comments, as shocking and callous as they may have been. I have to give her props for at least speaking her mind and saying what she really thought, what so many people truly think and would never actually say. From her article:
My initial response was: Hmm, being overweight is one thing — those people are downright obese! And while I think our country's obsession with physical perfection is unhealthy, I also think it's at least equally crazy, albeit in the other direction, to be implicitly promoting obesity!
No one who is as fat as Mike and Molly can be healthy. And obesity is costing our country far more in terms of all the related health problems we are paying for, by way of our insurance, than any other health problem, even cancer.
I'm going to be honest here: I agree with her in this aspect. Do I think she's hiding her disdain behind the warm n' fuzzy shield of "I care about your health and the health of our nation"? Sure. But that's only to round out the sharp edges of the truth. We are fat, as a nation. We are getting fatter and, as one commenter said on her post yesterday (I'm paraphrasing), "most of the country is overweight so you shouldn't alienate your audience" (or words to that effect). Uh, just because we're getting fatter doesn't mean it's acceptable. This is something we can actually fix! I don't think the show is "implicitly promoting obesity", though. I think it's an opportunity to make fun of fat people under the guise of "target marketing".
I don't, however, agree with some of her other comments:
So anyway, yes, I think I'd be grossed out if I had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other ... because I'd be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything. To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room — just like I'd find it distressing if I saw a very drunk person stumbling across a bar or a heroine addict slumping in a chair.
That is pretty harsh. And she said as much in her apology, updated at the bottom of her post. Do I think her opinion changed? Of course not, she's embarrassed and may not have realized how upset people would be, but did the internet's freak out make her feel less grossed out by fat people ? Probably not. She thinks fat people are digusting due to her own issues with anorexia, clearly (as mentioned in her apology). Does it make her uncomfortable to see terribly thin people make out, too? What if two anorexics were making out in their underwear, would that be disgusting to her? I personally might find that more upsetting than two people "with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other", but anorexics aren't funny, so you won't see that on a sitcom anytime soon. It's too close to Hollywood's reality. Both degrees, morbid obesity to extreme thinness, are results of eating disorders. I've had both. What makes one more disgusting than another?
Now, don't go getting the wrong impression: I have a few friends who could be called plump. I'm not some size-ist jerk.
Guess what? It kinda does make you a size-ist jerk. Does that make Maura Kelly a bad person? Not necessarily. But I think she probably should have left that part out, if she wanted to keep her readers.
But, Joelle! You're FAT! How can you stand by and let someone berate your fat brothers and sisters like this! Fat is beautiful! Fat can be healthy! Blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm going to shoot straight with you: I'm fat and I don't like it. SURPRISE! I'm not flogging myself about it, I don't hate myself, but I can't pretend like it's not a reality.
I understand that you need to get yourself through the day, but being fat is not healthy. Period. I'm not talking 20 lbs overweight -- sure we can all carry around a few extra pounds and still be perfectly healthy people. At my medically-deemed "healthy weight", I'm not a size 2 and I never will be. I'm a muscular, curvaceous woman and a size 10 is probably the smallest this ass will ever see. I'm ok with that, even though the fashion and beauty industry deems that "plus size". I'm 5'10" and they can suck it.
I'm talking about those of us who are 100 lbs or more overweight. We can't sugarcoat it, as much as we might want to. Obesity is not healthy. It's not healthy. Let me say it one more time: it's not healthy. I'm not looking to pick a fight with the pro-fat movement here, but it makes me insane when significantly overweight people try to tell me they're healthy. Hell, I tell myself that all the time. "I"m in great shape, except for when I climb three flights of stairs I get winded, I snore and I have heartburn that feels like the surface of the sun". But otherwise, I'm the picture of health!
Girl, please. I'm kidding myself when I say those things. It's called delusion. Denial. I know the truth, deep inside, but in times of weakness, in times of stress, I tell myself these things to make myself feel better. It doesn't mean I hate myself or I hate my body or I hate fat people. Does it make me size-ist? Hm. Maybe? I don't know. Can you be size-ist toward yourself? I don't look at fat people and run away -- I don't usually think anything about it at all. But severely overweight people (I'm talking the folks who need a walker or a scooter to get around) make me uncomfortable, I won't lie. It scares me... for myself. For our country. It makes me sad for them because I know how emotional and uncomfortable *I* am at my current weight, so they can't possibly be thrilled with their situation. And it makes me scared I could go there -- because I never thought I'd get to this weight and yet, here I am.
Do I think they're gross? No. That would be size-ist. They're people with their own struggles, just like anyone else.
I think Maura Kelly made a mistake in posting this article, at least in the manner in which she did it. I might have made a mistake posting this one by (somewhat) agreeing with her. But the truth hurts. Does it mean we should all walk around being ashamed and loathe ourselves or think we can't have love because we're fat? Hell, no. It just means that soon, if our country keeps up with it's unhealthy habits, Ms. Kelly won't be able to leave the house without being disgusted.
We need to do something about the epidemic of obesity in this country... and, from my perpsective, we have to start with compassion, for ourselves and for Ms. Kelly and others with opinions like hers. They're judging based on their own issues, it's not really about us. We, as overweight people, need to take responsibility for what we put in our mouths, how often we move and how we treat ourselves and others -- fat or otherwise.
We can't change the opinions of others, we can only change ourselves. That's where a revolution begins.
They Said Stuff!
I agree with pretty much everything you said. I just read the article and was fairly offended by it but some of what she said about obesity wasn’t totally untrue. But she undermined it with ridiculous stereotyping (“you fat people obviously don’t know how to eat right, let me tell you how!”) and illogical points like saying that anyone who is fat on TV is promoting obesity! If you’re anorexic on TV are you promoting anorexia? If you’re a black person on TV are you promoting being an African American? If you wear a red shirt on TV are you promoting red things? What the hell!?
But anyway, I’m always very conflicted about this because I read quite a few blogs that are all about fat acceptance and the Health at Any Size movement and I really wish I could be as enlightened as the authors of those blogs are, but I’m just not. I’m not happy with how I look and I don’t feel like I have a healthy body. But I don’t think that you need to be a size 2 to be healthy either, I’d be more than happy being a 14 again even though that’s still fat by society’s standards.
I do think we need to have more shows with/about larger people, though. The whole reason she wrote the article was because we hardly ever see fat people kissing on TV. If it was shown more often, if it was shown to be a “normal” (read: not funny) thing, no different from thin people kissing then it would become less weird for people like her to watch and it wouldn’t be a big deal anymore. News flash: fat people have a sex life too! It makes me sad that there are people that are surprised or disgusted by that fact. But you’re right, society isn’t going to change by itself, we have to start with ourselves first.
Totally. All that. Thumbs up. :)
Yeah, her among her biggest mistakes was the holier-than-thou “just eat right and exercise” schpiel. That was totally condescending and it’s not like we don’t know that. Who doesn’t know that???
I was thinking about what I said at the end of my post here and I do want to stress that I’m not suggesting that we (being us overweight-types) changing or taking responsibility is easy. It’s not. If it was, we wouldn’t be fat. But making changes within ourselves is the only way anything will change. No amount of lap band surgeries or diet pills is going to do it for us.
Thanks, Emily!
I don’t make excuses for being fat. I know it’s not healthy and I also know I have to do something about it. I don’t have an issue with discussing how carrying around this extra weight is a problem but I object when that message is nestled in a vat of nonsense. She can have her opinion, obviously. But it shouldn’t have been a surprise to her that people would get upset when she talks about how disgusting it is to see fat people walk across a room and, gasp!, kiss.
At my current weight and height, I am not one of the pleasantly plump people that she deems acceptable so it bugged me. I should be beyond caring what others think and I should just focus on getting healthy but the reality is that I do think about it and it does hurt and I didn’t need some condescending person with her own body issues telling me what I already know about losing weight.
Totally. Not everyone makes excuses for being fat—I hope I didn’t imply that.
Some do—and some in the pro-fat movement (which were the loudest protesters of her article) have a perspective that being 100 lbs overweight can be healthy. Not all, but some. I think we should love ourselves at any size, but do what we can to get healthier, even if it’s hard.
Of course, that’s easier said than done. :) If I was able to practice all of my own theories, I’d be a total gym diva right now.
I’m sorry what she said hurt though. I just assumed she had her head up her ass when she wrote that and tried not to take it personally—it’s not about me, as a person. But, it’s easy to say that. I still get self-conscious buying groceries, assuming everyone is assessing what’s in my cart. ha!
i guess i’m really disappointed that people have regressed since kindergarten. i mean, seriously? it’s the bambi rule, guys: if you don’t have something nice to say, maybe you oughtta keep yer trap shut. i think there was a more effective way to say, “is this show promoting obesity?” other than, “fat people disgust me by walking across a room.” and i know many of my issues take place solely within me…i do think i feel people judging what’s in my shopping cart, or staring when i drive through carl’s jr. (for a salad!)
i even had to justify why i was driving through carl’s jr. just now, in a weight loss blog. and her whole position of defense was that she has plump friends, and she knows how hard the weight loss struggle is because this one overweight maintenance man at the gym told her.
overall, i think it showed poor judgment, both from her and on the part of the editor who allowed that to be posted.
i think this entry really hits the nail on the head, joelle. while obesity is a very serious problem, she could have approached it differently. (though yesterday i was all HULKSMASH! about it.)
It wasn’t so much that she was saying these things. I don’t know the woman so it wasn’t that. It was more that she represents many others out there, some of whom have taken it upon themselves to tell me, a stranger, what I should or shouldn’t be buying. Yes, people have judged me for the things in my shopping cart and I’ve had people tell me to put things back. So, reading what she said just reminded me of all the many bad experiences I’ve personally had. I wasn’t in tears, mind you, but it wasn’t a fun moment. Thankfully enough of my friends and people I really care about where there to offer support. Not to tell me I don’t need to take care of myself but just to remind me that not everyone is repulsed by people who look like me.
I agree with everything you said (I haven’t read the other comments, I just want to respond to your article). I felt the same way when I read her article. I was linked to it from another blog that was outraged by the original one. I don’t think we should be defending over weight people. Sadly, we will not all be a size 2, but we all need to be healthy. I know there are extenuating circumstances, but when people have gotten to the point of a walker or a scooter they have just given up and “we” (society) has placated them by allowing them to get there. “We” make the doors wider, “we” ignore the problem. What’s important is to educate everyone about being healthy, not ignoring the problem.
I had a discussion at work the other day that addressed these two phrases:
There’s a difference between ignoring the problem and dealing with the problem. Ignoring the problem doesn’t do anything. Dealing with it doesn’t necessarily fix it, but there are clear steps forward to improve it.
We need to deal with the weight/unhealthy issues in this country, not ignore them.
“Mike and Molly” is not a funny show. The premise is weird and it is another example of a good-looking gal with a not-so-good looking guy. The only reason I watch is because the sister is hysterical. End rant.
I don’t know. I understand both sides. We should accept the bodies we live in and not try to nearly kill ourselves with dangerous surgeries (I’m talking to you Usher’s ex-wife) or to let food rule our lives. However, I’m not sure we should be looking to sit-coms to guide our life decisions. “Mike and Molly” is entertainment. Not entertained? Don’t watch. There are a million other shows with people in New Jersey with a much lower body fat index.
Great post! I agree with pretty much everything you said.
Maura’s comment: “I also think it’s at least equally crazy, albeit in the other direction, to be implicitly promoting obesity!” bothers me more than the “I’m not a size-ist jerk” one in regards to the show, because Mike & Molly is not about promoting obesity - they meet in OA after all. The characters are coping with their sizes and showing it’s possible to find love regardless. Whether the sitcom is funny is another story.
So it seems she is using the article as a pulpit for her feelings about large people as opposed to what the general population wants, considering the very question that got the whole thing started: “Do you really think people feel uncomfortable when they see overweight people making out on television?”
@Jaime: of course she has the right to free speech . . . and readers of the article have the right to voice their opinions about the article and crucify her if they choose. It goes both ways. I’m sure she’s intelligent enough to understand this happens with touchy subjects.
I just read the article—and as a fat person. I do find it rude, but on the other hand… I’ve always figured people thought that when I walked in a room. But they don’t live my life and they don’t know the countless doctors I go too, to get help. They don’t see it as a daily struggle just to get out of bed and keep going.
I’m damn proud of myself… that I do keep going. I do keep looking at the positive side of things.
...
But on another side of the note. My boyfriend and I watched the Thanksgiving special of Mike and Molly and we laughed through the entire show. I didn’t even think of their size, but as just a couple going through similar struggles as the rest of the world.
I’ve watched Gilmore Girls for years—So I know and seen through the shows that Melissa McCarthy, like most of us on this site, goes up and down on the scale.
It’s nice to see a show that isn’t based on the Skinny Wife and Ass hole rude husband, type shows. But that’s just my 2 cents for whatever its worth. :)
Not entertained? Don’t watch. There are a million other shows with people in New Jersey with a much lower body fat index.Thankfully enough of my friends and people I really care about where there to offer support. Not to tell me I don’t need to take care of myself but just to remind me that not everyone is repulsed by people who look like me.
The characters are coping with their sizes and showing it’s possible to find love regardless. Whether the sitcom is funny is another story. Not to tell me I don’t need to take care of myself but just to remind me that not everyone is repulsed by people who look like me.
It goes both ways. I’m sure she’s intelligent enough to understand this happens with touchy subjects.There are a million other shows with people in New Jersey with a much lower body fat index.
:-)Craven had been right in his supposition] about the world’s governess.
Braybrooke<a >.</a> had gone away from the Club that evening firmly persuaded that his young friend had done
the almost unbelievable thing, had fallen in love with Adela<a >.</a> Sellingworth. He was really perturbed about it.
A<a >.</a> tremulous sense of the fitness of things governed his whole life, presided as it were over all his<a >.</a>actions<a >.</a>
and even over most of his thoughts<a >.</a> . He instinctively shrank from everything that was bizarre, from everything
that was, as he called it, “out of keeping.<a >.</a>” He was responsible for the introduction of young<a >.</a>Craven<a >.</a>into Adela
Sellingworth’s life.<a >.</a> It would be very unfortunate indeed, it would be almost disastrous, if the result of that
well-meant introduction were to be a preposterous<a >.</a> passion!
Not to tell me I don’t need to take care of myself but just to remind me that not everyone is repulsed by people who look like me.Thankfully enough of my friends and people I really care about where there to offer support. Not to tell me I don’t need to take care of myself but just to remind.
Do You Have Something to Declare?